Hello, holiday season!
Once upon a time, this was a terrible time for me as a child (and then adult) child of an alcoholic.
See memories here:
I don’t look forward to the holidays and I can’t imagine ever loving them because: 1) I miss my dad and 2) all the ACoA stuff – the memories of ruined holidays and being the adult managing everything in preparation for them.
BUT I’m gratefully entering this six-week stretch of celebration with significantly less anxiety than I had 10 years ago, 20 years ago.
Yes: Here come the holidays and I’m not even stressed. This adult child of an alcoholic has never been able to experience this kind of serenity. I can’t believe it. I have next-to-zero holiday-related stress.
Let’s call this serious ACoA healing journey progress, shall we?
But with this clear perspective and now more than usual these days, I’m thinking about the kids and adults in the thick of it all – right there living in the epicenter of the chaos caused by a loved with a substance use disorder, on top of the regular holiday chaos.
I hope they recognize what took me so long to realize: your only job in life is to take good care of you.
I hope they detach.
I hope they give themselves the gift that got taken from them as a result of circumstance: knowing how to take good care of oneself.
And I hope you are well in your journey.
I’m buying my first house. I have all kinds of weird emotions about it. It feels wrong (I don’t deserve it – classic eldest kid of an alcoholic thinking) and scary (everything could go wrong!!!) and right (it’s about time – you should have done this years ago) and exciting (this is new and fun) at the same time.
Work is quite hectic. But it always is, because I am me.
I’ve been setting boundaries with Mom – pushing her to take care of grownup things. That ALWAYS feels wrong but it is right for me.